{wordy wednesday: tears and giggles and tantrums, oh my!}

Oh what a night. I was just telling someone last week that the girls are such good sleepers. I should have learned by now never to do that. After an exhausting, fun-filled weekend the girls went to sleep easily on Sunday night. They didn’t make a peep until about 10:45pm (of course right when Randall and I were trying to go to bed … early for once) when Lexi starts crying out. After about 30 minutes of her crying out periodically I think that I should go in to see what might be wrong - Could she be running a fever? Maybe she finally had a poop after a day of constipation? I go in and pick her up – no fever, no poop. As soon as I pick her up she settles her head on my shoulder, quiets down and goes to sleep. I decide to sit down in the glider to savor this sweet snuggle time and to ensure that she is soundly asleep. As I am doing this I can tell that Kenzie can sense that I am in the room, but she is being a good girl as she knows her sister needs my attention. After about 15 minutes I tiptoe over to Lexi's crib and place her back down and try to sneak out of the room ... at which point Kenzie, who has clearly been watching me this whole time yells out "mamma!" I walk over to her crib and rub her head, tell her I love her and that it is still sleepy time. I tiptoe out and crawl back under the covers, so anxious for sleep.
Less than 5 minutes later Lexi starts crying again. Deep breath. Randall and I discuss what to do and decide that I will sneak into the nursery, pick up Lexi and bring her back into our bed. We think she must not be feeling well and that maybe our presence will soothe her. I tiptoe in, quickly pick up Lexi, her Boppy pillow and lovey and turn to the door to make our escape. I think I am home free, but as I am trying to silently shut the door, Kenzie pops up in her crib and yells out "mamma!"
I bring Lexi into our bed and we try to soothe her to sleep, she is quiet but wide eyed. Kenzie's cries in surround-sound (via the monitor and live through the wall) aren't helping the matter. So I leave Lexi with Randall and head back into the nursery. Kenzie reaches out to me in despair ... instantly soothed when I pick her up. I decide to rock her for a bit, hoping she will fall asleep, at which point I can gently place her back in her crib, and return to my own bed with my sure to be snoozing husband and daughter. Kenzie melts into me, and I smile because although it is now likely past midnight I love moments like this. Sleeping chest to chest, our heartbeats and breathing in sync. After about 10 minutes of this silent bliss I get up to place Kenzie in her crib and instantly her whole body stiffens in protest. Her eyes start darting around the darkened room and Kenzie looks at her sister's crib and then points at the door with an "ehhhhh?" Translation, "Where did my sister go?" I explain that Lexi isn't feeling well and is sleeping with Daddy, but that Kenzie will be fine in her crib, and try to place her down. Instant crocodile tears and pleading arms. I pick Kenzie back up along with her lovey and take her with me to our bed. .. our queen bed to be precise. As soon as Kenzie sees her sister she grins to the point of losing her pacifier. Sisters reunited. Ok, I think … maybe now we can all get some (cramped) sleep.
Not the case. Tears turn to giggles. Kenzie insists on kissing and hugging her sister and Dad, laying on top of both of them, standing up and walking around the crowded bed. Giggling all the while. Contagious giggles. Lexi catches them, mommy tries to fight them without success, even Daddy gives in to a few. While 12:30am is not the ideal time for this, how can you not smile at your sweet daughter's loving one another? After about 20 minutes of this it is clear that our plan for a “family bed” for the night is not going to result in much sleep for anyone. So we reason with our now happy daughters that it is now time for them both to return to their cribs, that they will be in their room together and it is time to go back to sleep. I place Lexi back in her crib and she seems content and happy to accept this. Kenzie on the other hand stiffens her whole body and screams in protest. Daddy succumbs and says he will rock her for a while (he too is a sucker for a snuggle opportunity no matter what time of day or night). Lexi settles in, I return to bed and have just started to drift off when Kenzie starts screaming again, with Lexi soon joining in on the chorus. I pop up and run back into the nursery. Kenzie has required a diaper change, which she is not excited about and hence woke her sister. Back to square 1.
We decide then that we have to put them both back in their cribs, have to walk out and have to let them cry it out. Kenzie not only cries, she has a full out, crib rattling, glass shattering, red faced tantrum.... which seems to last forever. Lexi tries so hard to sleep through it, but stands up periodically and joins in the crib rail shaking to add to the dramatic effect. I hate this part. I hate not being able to go in to comfort them, but I know that if I do it will just continue the vicious cycle. I'm not sure how long this continues, or what time it was when they both finally settle down and I can finally relax myself and get some sleep. All I know is that my 5:30am alarm goes off far too soon.
Lessons learned:
1) Going in to soothe one daughter back to sleep may actually result in less sleep for all.
2) As a mom it is possible to find the silver lining in even the most non-ideal circumstances.
3) Sometimes letting the girls cry it out is necessary - no matter how painful or never-ending that time may seem ...
4) While I love the fact that my girls share a room, in situations like this it can be a drawback.
5) We may need to spring for a king size bed.

Nights like this (while I hope they are few and far between) reconfirm my love of parenthood – and all the ups and downs that accompany it. The challenges help bring us all closer together and in the end strengthen our love.