Tuesday, May 21, 2013

{visiting dad: a trip down memory lane}



A few days before my trip I started to prepare the girls for my departure.  "I am going to fly to Germany to visit my dad, your Opa," I told the girls. 
"Why are you going to visit Opa?" Kenzie asked. 
"Because he is sick and I want to spend some time with him," I replied.
"Why is he sick?" questioned Kenzie.
"Because he choked sissy!"  replied Lexi before I could speak, giving Kenzie her best all-knowing look.
"What do you mean he choked?"  I questioned.
"Because YOU said he choked," she insisted.
I was puzzled and my lack of confirmation immediately made Lexi want it that much more.  Then it hit me.  Lexi had overheard me telling lots of people that my dad had had a stroke.  But instead of stroke, Lexi understood choke ... since that is a word that she actually understands.  After explaining to them in 3 year old terminology what a stroke is they both wanted to know why they couldn't come with me to visit Opa.  I explained that it is a very long flight and that Opa was still very weak and wouldn't have much energy to play with them.
"But he will get better and then we will go visit him and he will play with us."  Lexi said.
If you're reading this Dad, that's your motivation to keep working hard every day. 

***

On Wednesday afternoon I departed Cincinnati. The plan was to meet up with Inken and Mom in Newark and then the 3 of us were to fly to Hamburg together. We were going to visit Dad and to be there for our cousin Caroline’s civil wedding ceremony. Unfortunately flight delays caused me to miss my flight in Newark by 5 minutes, I was rerouted through London, where I almost missed my connection again and finally arrived in Hamburg ... while my suitcase did not for another 48 hours. Not an ideal start to the trip but once I finally did arrive I was just happy to hug my mom and sister and to be surrounded by family that I hadn’t seen in many years.


Our first stop was to visit my Dad at his new nursing home. It was shocking when we first walked into the room, as he looked so gray and little laying in that hospital bed. I have never known my Dad not to have a tan and here he was so pale and appearing so much older than the last time I saw him. But his face completely lit up when he saw us. While his physical state shocked me in a negative way, his mental alertness and ability to converse with us in both German and English pleasantly surprised me. We visited Dad every day, taking him for walks in his wheelchair, sitting outside in the garden in the sun, showing him pictures and videos of his grandchildren. I honestly think our visit did wonders for him. He looked so much happier and stronger and a little color had even returned to his face. It was so hard to leave. I am afraid that without our daily encouragement to do his exercises … to practice swallowing so that he will hopefully no longer need a feeding tube, to massage his right hand often to promote bloodflow, to use the exercise ball to build up strength … that he will forget to do them or not be motivated to do them as often as he should. I pray that he finds the strength and motivation to keep going and working hard when we aren't physically there to encourage him. We did get him an iPad so that we can stay in better touch and send videos and pictures of Kenzie, Lexi and Grady (We had also hoped to be be able to facetime with him, but unfortunately the nursing home does not have wifi.).  There are also apps designed especially for stroke victims to help rebuild fine and gross motor skills so we are hoping that those will also help him. My cousin is planning a big wedding celebration one year after her civil ceremony and we told Dad that we want him to be dancing by then. He has a lot of hard work ahead but I am hopeful.


Besides spending time with my dad at the home, I had the chance to relive parts of my childhood while in Germany. I spent most of my childhood summers on Fehmarn, and while I had been back a few times in the not too distant past when we lived in Geneva, it had been over 15 years since I had been there with my sister and over 25 years since my mom had been there. From competing to see who could yell “Ich seh die Bruke!” first as we approached the bridge to Fehmarn, to going to the grocery store to pick up a replacement toothbrush for me (since my suitcase did not arrive for over 48 hours) and returning with all of our favorite childhood treats – Frucht Zwerge, pudding cups topped with whipped cream, Balisto, Haribo Licorice, Ritter Sport Yogurt, to getting quark and “pommes mit mayo” down by the beach, to going shopping at Stolz in the “Stadt” they all brought back great memories.


My cousin Caroline was a gorgeous bride and the wedding was beautiful.   It was intended to be just a civil ceremony followed by a small reception, but it was a great celebration.  The weather was perfect and the reception was right on the beach.  There was a delicious dinner with family that evening and of course the celebration continued late into the night (or early into the morning for some) at Mopsy's.  We had a great time catching up with family and old friends.





We enjoyed relaxing in the "Strandkorb" (translation: beach basket) - another wonderful childood memory.  They have these beach baskets all over the beaches in Germany and they are meant to shield you from the wind while on the beach.



I am so happy for Caroline & Moritz and was honored to be there for this special celebration.  I hope that if we come back for the big celebration next year that Dad will be able to join us.





The other special part of the trip was catching up with cousins.  I loved spending time with Wibke and her Paula who reminds me so much of Wibke at her age.  We had so many fun times together when we were young and watching Paula and her friends reminded me so much of those days.




The other special part of the trip was getting to spend Mother's Day with my mom & sister.  Inken and I got up early and walked to the bakery to pick up fresh "broetchen" for breakfast.  After breakfast we visited the woman that my mom worked for as an au pair and "bar maid" when she spent the summer between her sophomore and junior year in College on Fehmarn.  We got to hear some fun stories about my mom during that visit.  Like the time that Helga's husband decided at midnight that my mom HAD to go to Oktoberfest.  and they drove the 10 hours to Munich through the night with my dad and Mopsy (now the owner of Mopsy's).  Then we went on a bike ride down to the beach and along the coastline.  After visiting my dad that afternoon we had "kaffe und kuchen" at my cousin Birte's house and then dinner with Gert & Telsche in town.  While Inken and I missed being with our babies on Mother's Day it was a great mother-daughter day. 

It was a visit filled with mixed emotions.  Highs and lows.  Old & new.  I am so thankful for everyone's hospitality during our visit and for all of the love and support that they provide my Dad while I can't be there in person. 

I love you Dad - think of us often and keep doing those exercises 5 times a day, everyday!






1 comment:

  1. Antje, so sorry to hear your dad is still recuperating from his stroke, which seems so long ago. I am sure your visit did 100 times more than any medicine or doctors could do and hopefully he will continue improving leaps and bounds each day. Having the iPad so you can send videos and pictures of yourselves and the three darling grandchildren is sure to help a lot too. I'll keep your dad in my prayers. Dona

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